‘Well...’ I thought, ‘another one bites the dust’, as I tossed yet another dirty nappy into the bin. Having a three year old toddler and a three month old baby, I can say, as any decent parent can, that I have seen nappies! I bet, having never been to design school or wherever one goes to qualify to design nappies, that I could successfully describe the perfect nappy. My resume would simply be an equation, that is, take the number of nappies a child would go through by the time he reaches say three years old, so that’s about five for the day and say three, for good measure, for the night and times that by 365 days, and times that by three, for the years, and you’d end up with what any self respecting parent would go through for one child. That is close to nine thousand nappies people!
So, yes, I have seen a fair share of nappies! Now, may I vent my extremely active imagination and volunteer my services as a hypothetical nappy designer, that I secretly think all mums eventually become, and may I describe to the mums-to be the perfect nappy design that I have stored in the recesses of my brain as we have switched nappy brands and experimented with different sizes and fits over these years.
May I now subject you to a few of the attributes of ‘my’ perfect nappy...in terms of design, let’s talk about the revolutionary ‘elasticised waistband’. I knew nothing of this ground-breaking technology until we switched our regular brand of nappies for another well-known brand, for the simple reason that we could not find the right size at that particular and urgent time, not wanting to be without a back-up plan until the morning, we bought the pack and I went to sleep peacefully knowing that we would not run out in the middle of the night. Anyway...well into the early hours of the morning we checked to make sure that he wasn’t too uncomfortable in a wet nappy only to find out that the nappy was not too damp at all, in fact, in terms of absorbency, it seemed to have done the trick! I was thrilled! It not only was super-duper absorbent but I couldn’t even feel that it was wet, Wowee!! My happiness was, however, short-lived, because when the nappy came off it suddenly dawned on us that not only was the bed wet but his entire back was damp...the nappy had completely missed the mark. Why? Do I hear you ask...ELASTICISED WAIST-BANDS! Our regular brand, on clear inspection, showed a small gathering in the small of the baby’s back made with elastic and the new brand did not have that. What it does is it makes the nappy fit more snugly that there is much less of a chance of leakage when sleeping, or any other stance within a 360 degree radius that our toddler finds himself in, somersaulting and the like. First point people: elasticised waistbands!
Next I would say...the fit. What with all the different straps we encountered which entailed a severe inspection of straps...we found that there are broad straps and thin straps. Short straps and long straps. Sticky straps and grippy straps. Yes, Ma’am, there is an assortment! Who’d have thunk it. We eventually figured out that the perfect strappy fit makes for the best nappy and almost nil leakage.
And so the list grows of what I could tell nappy designers the world over should they somehow hear that an ‘expert’ is lying in wait to pounce should they ever want advice or an opinion or even a diagram of the perfect nappy...colour, graphics, and packaging are all sooooo irrelevant to this no-nonsense mum. All I ask is that a nappy should do what a nappy should do and that is...make my life alot easier...please!
I dare say, that after reading all this one might ask, ‘why one would put themselves through all this voluntary and continuous work?’ For the simple reason that... I absolutely love it! I really do and appreciation does come though I never actually gave it much thought, in that, one day, after changing my toddlers nappy for the umpteenth time, as we have previously established, when he skipped off, he paused mid-skip to toss over his shoulder, for the first time among many, ‘Thanks Mummy, for putting on a clean nappy for me...’, and off he went leaving a mushy mess of a mum in his blissful wake.